Reviewed by Carol Hoyer for Reader Views (7/17)
“Unloved Again” by Elan Golomb is an engaging read on why some of us continue to engage in unhealthy relationships and end up feeling unloved and stepped upon.
The author addresses several issues and patterns that emerge during childhood throughout adulthood that lead us on this path. She addresses why some continue to seek those individuals who cannot properly love them back, and how ones unconscious mind propels them into this misery.
As a psychologist, I like how the author addresses history to help guide clients as to how they got to where they are. As I read this book, it made me think about my daughter who always chose unhealthy, abusive relationships and felt she needed to be a doormat for men. I didn’t agree with all the information on the “freezing parent” and “frozen child.” As I look back on our family and the raising of our children, I see no abuse, control, or icy relationships. However, I do know that some children are raised this way.
Golomb provides many personal stories of individuals she has encountered during her private practice, as well as her own experiences. She writes with great insight and empathy and encourages everyone to look at current and past issues. All of us need to take a step-back occasionally to see if we are getting what we need, and not what others always seem to need. We need to love ourselves first.
“Unloved Again” by Elan Golomb is very engaging, informative and supportive. Her writing is very descriptive and provides readers with ways to recognize destructive patterns and how to go about changing them. The only concern I have with some of the author’s points is that individuals may look for issues from their childhood to place blame on their choices. We all have dysfunction in one way or another in our families and relationships; however, I’m not sure it is wise to try to analyze the situation on one’s own. I do think as with all books on these types of subjects we should take the information with a grain of salt. Overall an interesting read that provides plenty of food for thought.