Loved: Relationship Rules for Women Who Thought They Knew the Rules

Julie Shafer, PhD
Bowker (2019)
ISBN 9780960009107
Reviewed by Rachel Dehning for Reader Views (6/19)

“Loved: Relationship Rules for Women Who Thought They Knew the Rules” by Julie Shafer, PhD, is the self-help book for any woman who may be in a relationship that is either just “okay”or could be much better. Dr. Shafer explains techniques to help you achieve a happier and healthier relationship that will have everyone involved in a better place.

There are many self-help books on the market that claim to help you do nearly anything, and their techniques can range in oddity. Dr. Shafer’s guide to achieving healthy connections with others is very valuable for anyone in any type of relationship (romantic, platonic, or familial). There are seven rules that build upon each other, as well as extra-help materials included in the back of the book; as long as you take the material seriously and follow her directions, you will be on your way to developing a healthier part of your life.

What each rule has in common is positivity. Within each of the seven rules, if you are able to keep a level mindset or be able to compare situations from the past and present to help with your interpretation or thoughts, things are much more likely to turn out better. This is easier said than done, or else you wouldn’t need to read this book because you would already know the power of calmness.

From the first rule of telling the truth sooner rather than later, rule three of trying to always see the best in your partner, to rule seven of being kind above all else, it is important to know the steps that you take as an individual helps your relationship yield positive results. It is also key to know when it might be necessary to seek additional professional help. By knowing the correct way to go about communicating with your partner, and establishing or maintaining a healthy amount of self-worth, there is a better chance for all individuals involved to feel understood, respected, and that both thoughts and emotions matter. Topics such as honesty, behavior and sleep patterns, diets, hormones, and calming your anger are discussed.

Having an interest in the field of psychology, I found this book to be very informative and interesting to read. Also being in a relationship, everything that Dr. Shafer had to say made complete sense and she provided easy-ish means of establishing a healthier relationship with your partner. Her methods are also simple to remember to be used at any point in time. With the personal experience and research to back up her statements, I would recommend “Loved: Relationship Rules for Women Who Thought They Knew the Rules” to any woman looking for relationship advice to keep as many couples together as possible, and if not, then the relationship, sadly, wasn’t meant to be.