The Strength in Being Different: Why I Stopped Waiting and Started Choosing

Lisa Brearley spent years being exactly what everyone expected, until one quiet question changed the direction of every decision that followed. If you’ve ever caught yourself waiting to feel ready, waiting for clarity, waiting for the “right time” to share your work, Lisa’s honest look at the bystander effect in your own creative life will hit close to home.

“The difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do.”

Recently, I came to a realization that both excites me and unsettles me at the same time.

It’s the kind of realization that quietly asks you to look at your life more honestly—especially as a writer.

Have you ever heard of the bystander effect? It’s the idea that people are less likely to act when others are present. Everyone assumes someone else will step forward, someone else will speak up, someone else will take the risk.

And as I reflected on my own journey, I realized something:

This isn’t just something that happens in groups.

It’s something many of us live.

Including me.

For much of my life, I chose what felt safe. I chose the norm. I focused on fitting in, not standing out, not rocking the boat. I became very good at being what was expected.

And even as I stepped into writing, that pattern didn’t fully disappear.

It showed up quietly.

Waiting to feel ready.
Waiting for clarity.
Waiting until I was sure it would work.

From the outside, it may not have looked like waiting—but internally, I was holding back.

Until I began asking myself a different question:

What would my life look like if I stopped waiting and started choosing?

When I Started Choosing

That question didn’t change everything overnight.

But it changed the direction of my decisions.

Instead of waiting for confidence, I began taking small steps forward—even when they felt uncomfortable.

Over time, those small decisions began to reshape my life.

I wrote and published multiple books—and continue to write.

I stepped into visibility, sharing my voice in ways that once would have felt intimidating.

I transitioned from teaching into coaching, following a path that felt more aligned with who I was becoming.

I said yes to opportunities and experiences that stretched me well beyond what once felt possible.

None of these moments started with certainty.

They started with a decision.

What I See in Other Writers

Through my work and conversations with other writers, I’ve noticed a similar pattern.

Many are not lacking talent, ideas, or even passion.

They’re waiting.

Waiting to feel more confident.
Waiting to feel more established.
Waiting for the “right time” to show up, share, or publish.

It’s easy to assume that someone else is more qualified or more prepared.

But that assumption keeps powerful voices quiet.

And in the world of indie authorship, staying quiet often means staying unseen.

What Actually Moves You Forward

Looking back, there are a few simple practices that made a meaningful difference in my writing journey.

They aren’t complicated—but they are consistent.

1. Stop Waiting to Feel Ready

Confidence doesn’t come before action.

It comes from action.

Each time you share your work, publish your thoughts, or take a step forward, you build trust with yourself. Not because it’s perfect—but because you showed up.

2. Focus on Consistent, Visible Action

Growth doesn’t come from one big moment.

It comes from small, repeated steps.

One post.
One page.
One conversation.
One opportunity.

Visibility is built over time—and it starts with a willingness to be seen before you feel fully prepared.

3. Let Go of Perfection

Perfection can be one of the most subtle forms of resistance.

It keeps ideas unpublished, stories untold, and voices unheard.

What I’ve learned is this:

Readers don’t connect with perfection.

They connect with honesty, growth, and authenticity.

Done—shared—real—that’s what creates connection.

The Reality of Choosing a Different Path

There is another side to this journey that isn’t talked about as often.

When you begin choosing differently—when you step outside what feels normal—people begin to see you differently, too.

Some will admire your courage.

Others may not fully understand your path.

And at times, it can feel isolating.

There have been moments where I’ve felt as though I was standing just outside the norm, unsure of where I fit.

But over time, I’ve come to recognize something important:

That space—where you feel different—is often where your most meaningful work begins.

Learning to Stand in Your Own Voice

My growth as a writer has become about more than publishing or building a platform.

It has become about learning to stand in who I am.

To trust my voice.
To recognize my worth.
To show up without needing to be perfect.

Some days feel natural.

Other days feel uncomfortable.

Growth often lives in that space.

But when the noise fades—expectations, comparisons, self-doubt—what remains is simple:

Just you.

And that is what your readers are looking for.

Not a polished version.
Not a perfect version.
But a real one.

A Simple Truth I Keep Coming Back To

Do I still make mistakes?

Of course.

But I’ve learned that mistakes aren’t what hold us back.

Staying still is.

Recently, I shared something simple with a friend—words that felt powerful in their simplicity:

“Just make a decision… and then move forward.”

That’s what courage has come to mean to me.

Not fearlessness.

Not certainty.

Just a willingness to choose.

Because the strength in being different isn’t about having everything figured out.

It’s about choosing—again and again—to take the next step.

This idea of choosing courage over comfort is something I explore more deeply in my Courage To Love series, including my third book, Love: The Infinite Possibilities That Can Transform Everything.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Lisa Brearley is a 5-time author, a Crisis & Recovery Coach, and former teacher who writes about personal growth, courage, and living authentically. She is the author of the Courage To Love series and continues to share insights that help others step into their voice and their life with intention. Connect with her at https://forwardwalkingchoices.com.

CONNECT WITH LISA BREARLEY!

Website & Social Links:
Website: https://forwardwalkingchoices.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LisaDawnBrearley/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisadawnbrearley/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisabrearley/

Love: The Infinite Possibilities That Can Transform Everything

What if the life you long for is already unfolding in the quiet moments you usually overlook?

In Love: The Infinite Possibilities That Can Transform Everything, Lisa Brearley invites you into a deeply personal journey of rediscovery, courage, and transformation. Through heartfelt stories from her own life, she reveals how the simple act of choosing love, for ourselves, for others, and for life itself, can gently reshape the way we experience the world.

With honesty, warmth, and insight, Lisa shares the moments that helped her rediscover her voice, rebuild her confidence, and reconnect with the wonder and curiosity many of us lose as adults.

Throughout the book, readers are guided through Dragonfly Moments, gentle reflections that invite you to pause, breathe, and notice the beauty already present in your life. Each reflection is followed by Whispers From My Wings, tender messages to the inner child that remind us we have always been worthy of love.

As a special gift, Lisa also shares a magical bonus story for readers of all ages. Through the eyes of Diamond, the dragonfly, we are reminded that growth, courage, and transformation are often happening long before we realise it.

This is more than a book about love. It is an invitation to open your heart to the infinite possibilities waiting within your own life.

The Courage To Love series is available at https://forwardwalkingchoices.com